SOR Forced To Serve Deconstructed Emu Export As Rising Rents Accelerate Gentrification

SOR venues have struggled to keep up with the changing faces of their suburbs. Many acknowledge that they need to start serving fancycunt shit if the people in their area are paying $500+ a week for a 2×1 rental shitbox. 

To help keep up with the demand for the culinary highwater, venues in areas that have seen a massive spike in rental costs have decided to serve a deconstructed can of bush chook on their menus. 

An owner of a small bar in a formerly affordable SOR suburb told The Times,

“We can’t just be serving cans of export anymore, the people moving in are richer bogans. A bogan that yearns for more sophisticated tastes. So we’ve come up with this idea to serve grains, hops, yeast and water in little ramekins on a wooden board. Punters can then construct their beer”

Food & drink critics are calling the move ambitious but necessary. Noting that the venues will also have to up their culinary game. One such expert told The Times,

“You can’t be charging $600 for a 2 x 1 and not have a deconstructed cold brew served in an avocado on the menu”

We spoke to a new renter who was priced out of East Vic Park recently. They told The Times,

“It’s about time they recognised the shift. Sure, some of the oldies will scoff at the deconstructed bush chook on the menu but ultimately this is what gentrification looks like”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?