“Jesus effin’ christ man, can this dude have a Yakult or something?”, a desperate plea from a passenger stuck in the back of Clint’s 4WD on day 4 of a road trip up north.
Since leaving Perth, Clint’s mates have estimated he’s enjoyed somewhere in the region of 15 cheese sausages. Grabbing a greasy log of fark-yeah at every roadhouse & servo he stops at.
Needless to say, the utter devastation a cheese sausage diet has done on his guts is unmistakable in the car – which now smells like Dutch barn after the farmer satisfied his wild urges.
Claudia was riding in the front for several hours yesterday and was just about at breaking point. Telling The Times,
“He keeps saying that you just gotta have a cheese sausage on a road trip. His stomach is making all sorts of noises and he’s just leaking out noxious gas. That’s when he’s not just outright trying to slip one out without anyone noticing. We notice man, we fkn notice”
Clint denies the allegations he’s a dirty sausage stuffing, crop dusting monster. Telling The Times,
“They say they haven’t seen me eat a vegetable in 4 days and that I stink like shit. Um, last time I checked there’s cabbage in Chiko Rolls… probably. Cheese Kransky and a Chiko Roll, breakfast of champions mate”
A cleaner at some accommodation they stayed at can testify that Clint has some serious digestive issues. Telling The Times,
“We almost charged them for olfactory vandalism. I think the stink in the room removed the foundation from my face. We just threw the bedsheets out. This guy really needs to lay off the cheese sausages. We found several grease coated paper bags in the bin”
Brian was stuck sharing a tent with Clint on the second night when they decided to save a bit of money and camp. He said it was a night he wouldn’t soon forget,
“Dude, this guy’s bowels are possessed by a Kransky-demon. I had to go and sleep in the other tent. I could taste cheese sausage in the air, man. He’s become a real creature, let’s just say that”
To help ease some of the growing resentment, the group has invested heavily in car deodorisers but Clint remains defiant on his snack of choice, telling The Times,
“The reason I came on this road trip was to eat dodgy cheese sausages from suss bain-maries. You promise yourself to keep it up in Peth but life just gets away from ya. I’m lucky to get one a week in back in the real world. A man has to live for something or die for nothing”
Well said Clint. Maybe have a Yakult though. It’s just kinder that way.