A Bull Creek mum has taken to social media in a desperate plea to get her boy help after finding this new party drug “Nurofen” in her son’s school bag this morning.
In a cutting-edge trend, teens, especially in the footy community, have begun crushing and snorting the anti-inflammatories – with some teens calling it “duck”, “centre half forwards” or “Waynos”.
It’s no doubt a scourge that will leave countless victims in its wake. We spoke to the mother who told The Times,
“He was always such a good boy but very easily influenced by his footy role models. Despite being a massive shitcunt he still says Wayne Carey is the best CHF to play the game and he’s decided to follow in his footsteps. We’re hiding the wine glasses!”
It’s not just the boy’s mother who is concerned. A mate of the rising star said that Clarkey “changed” after racking up Waynos before training, adding,
“A mate’s a mate and he’s a bloody good bloke but after a fat line of duckas, he’ll start asking all these questions about what my misso is up to. What’s she smell like etc. It’s not the Clarkey I know and love”
Clarkey’s brother has also expressed concern with his $4.50 a day “Nurofen” habit. Telling The Times,
“He’s hooked there is no doubt. When he’s high on ibuprofen he starts getting real anti-authoritarian. Just last night he told me he wanted to boot a cop in the chops. It’s changing him!”
Thankfully, this poor mother is not alone. Concerned pharmacists have come forward saying they have had hundreds of teenagers come in complaining about arthritis, lower back pain and swelling. Pharmacist Li told The Times,
“These are all fit young men who would know nothing of the ailments they allege. It is clear they are just trying to get their fix. Not really necessary as it’s over the counter. Do people really snort it? It would be so chalky?”
Fkn oath they rack it and Clarkey has told his distraught parents that as soon as he can afford it he’ll be moving out to live in the Crown Promenade Hotel.
Clearly still under the effects of the powerful over the counter chem, he failed to see any shame in staying at the Prom rather than the Towers.
Off his god damn dial.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
