Ms. Wildflower Season Perth

Spring has sprung the amateur Perth photog community into action as hordes of Nikons & Nikonettes descend upon popular Perth wildflower spots in search of influencer glory.

Like a true Canon-mando, Tarsha is still licking her wounds after a trip up north to capture the beauty of the canola fields in bloom. It was a battle she was unprepared for.

When she closes her eyes at night she can still remember the pungent floral stink and the sounds of the irate farmer calling her a “farken muppet” as he chased her back to her Hyundai Getz. 

Nevertheless, she knows it’s time to get back on the horse and hit Araluen Botanical Park with her bestie for some tulip action. An absolute staple on the wildflower circuit. 

She sets out from South Fremantle towards the park. Alas, if she thought the canola farmers were abrasive it was fair to say she wasn’t ready to roll through Perth’s southeastern Mordor-esque middle earth. 

Stopped at a light in Armadale, she witnesses a sparingly-toothed cave-Orc in a Patrol pull a cone while doing his best to lock his glassy glaze down her top and serenade her with some Armadalion poetry, “show us where yas piss from, luv”

Despite needing a full sensory shower, she continues on to Araluen and prepares to meet her destiny. Alas, after just 15 minutes she realises that she needs to shelve about 5 Zrytecs to combat the intense hay fever she is copping. 

It’s not a great start. Looking and sniffing like she’d spent 3 hours in an Ascot toilet on race day. Nevertheless, the red-eyed and puffy-faced starlet refuses to let the pollenbukake ruin her day. 

After stumbling across an idyllic patch of tulips. She orders her friend to take whimsical photos of her. In about 3 hours she’ll write a lengthy caption about being in love with nature but for now, it’s trampling said nature to get the perfect vantage point.

She draws the ire of a fellow nature lover who tells her to pull her bloody head in. Why are people always being so mean to her around flowers?! Don’t they know she has a higher calling? 

After smashing through more bulbs than a moth on a light bender, she decides it’s time to ride the Araluen train to show off her spontaneous fun side for TikTok. 

Is there anything truly more spontaneous than a meticulously planned trip with a mental checklist of photos she would literally push her mother down some stairs to acquire? The jury is out on that one. 

Upon returning from her mission, she gets to work rewriting history to convince her followers her day was nothing but magical. Social media influencing 101.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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