Perth On High Alert As Entire Northern Suburbs Population Set To Descend Upon Us This Weekend

While Premier League exhibition matches are great for Perth’s global reputation, the City itself is bracing for impact as the entire population of the northern burbs is expected to migrate south for the weekend. 

Police have warned Perth citizens that the northerners are likely to be a little frisky given the intense amount of English “football” that will be on display over the 2 nights. Adding,

“We know a lot of Perth-born Australians struggle to hear the word football be used in this context but they’ll be in heavy numbers this weekend so try to roll with it”

A northern ex-pat behaviour specialist told The Times that some basic precautions wouldn’t go astray, adding,

“We really can’t stress this enough. Never, ever, ever interrupt one of them mid-soccer chant. Chanting is about the only time they are happy and any disruption to that could see you cop a very nasty spray”

Hospitality venues are being specially trained to deal with complaints given their menus are unlikely to use enough “propah Engwish ingwedients” to keep the masses happy. 

Police believe that with a bit of give and take there is no reason the two populations can’t integrate and coexist for a weekend but have their concerns. 

“It’s a tough time in the UK at the moment and we are very mindful of summer heatwave related arguments flaring up. Aussies can’t help themselves and the Brits will be all pepped up on Branston Pickle and Carling tins”

Police are also concerned that opportunistic criminals may make the journey north due to the burbs being “practically empty”.

Encouraging northerners to ensure they properly secure their residences before embarking on the trip south. 

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