For Tash, tomorrow isn’t so much about Brissy or Collingwood. It’s about her cob loaf versus all other imposter loaves to the cob throne.
Ordinarily, a caring girl who would go out of her way to make sure you are feeling OK, Tash is known to transform into somewhat of a monster when in the heat of fierce cob-etition. She told The Times,
“I don’t care how many lesser cobs I have to crush to reign supreme. This is my house and any punk that wants to come at the queen best not miss”
In her mind, victory is almost guaranteed based on her secret recipe and “unmatched” technique to perfectly blend the spinach into the rest of the dip mixture. She continued,
“You will realise you are in the presence of greatness when you gaze upon the special artisan loaf I acquired. You will bend a knee when you taste the creamy/savoury delight contained within. You won’t be able to handle my special seasoning I sprinkle on top”
Tash’s partner says he loves grand final day but often feels “a little scared” by how the love of his life carries on. He told The Times,
“Last year a mate brought his new misso to the party and she brought a cob. Everyone knew that Tash’s looked way better and the proof of the eating was in the cob-pudding eventually. Tash’s was completely demolished and this other girl’s was maybe half eaten. Tash took WAY too much delight in that”
Indeed, Tash spent the entire drive home laughing maniacally at how absolute dogshit the other girl’s cob was. Alleging she probably bought all the ingredients from Coles like a total cob-poser.
Tash even went so far to organise a group photo next to the table containing the two cobs. Photographic evidence of her victory posted to IG and the loser tagged in.
All’s fair in love and cob-war.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?