Gatorade Finally Takes Prime Seriously After Seeing What The Bottles Are Used For

Gatorade has mostly discarded Prime hydration as a stupid fad that will eventually fade into obscurity. That’s until photo after photo emerged of the drink’s popularity amongst the bongrat, stoner, eshay and grommet communities.

A spokesperson for Gatorade said the company is now taking action to destroy their competition – a brand they considered shit on their shoe only a few months ago. Adding,

“Gatorade wants to be #1 and when it came to the actual drink it was never very concerned. However, the popularity of the recycled bottles to make billies has upper management reassessing strategy”

To combat the scourge, Gatorade has announced drastic measures. Including adding a little hole in the top of their bottles that will be covered by an easily removable tab. They told The Times,

“They are known as shotties and allow for the contents of your Gatorade bottle to travel up into your lungs faster. It’s basic physics. We want to make our bottles the gold standard for their true purpose”

It’s unclear if Prime can weather this storm however all eyes will be on the arms race between the two bong-bottle companies this quarter.


Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?