1. Witnessing more drenched Monster caps and Jet Pilot attire than at a buck’s party with a squirting show. As everyone knows an umbrella is a gateway item to full blown scarfery
2. Losing your fucking mind at the legions of nervous nancys that will be driving further below the speed limit than a stoned sloth trying to find the Hungry Jack’s turn off.
3. Dodging “overcompensatin’ Owen” who will be leaving more skitz skidz in his Chev-badged Commodore than a Bali bogan’s 4 day old grundies.
4. Sighing at a minion sharing full-time mummy that will be posting storm warnings because they don’t really have anything better to do.
5. Listening to some turmeric-latte sipping shithead who will be banging on about Perth only being good for its weather and sharing unsolicited stories about dealing with a deluge in Melbourne.
6. Noting all the social influencers who consider a bit of rain to be a perfect opportunity to post a top-yielding bikini photo #takemeback.
7. Witnessing multi-car pile ups, as a little drizzle turns our roads into a mechanical rendition of the Human Centipede.
8. Being forced to listen to your FIFO mates tell you how it’s “fuck all” and they worked for 78 hours straight in a Pilbara monsoon in nothing but a Hi-Vis shirt with no break.
9. Noting no change in the work ethic of road-workers.
10. Knowing or being the cunt that still has his sprinklers turned on because how can there be a water crisis when his local servo is offering 2 for 1 on 600ml Mount Franklins ay?
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
or on PayPal if you want