Western Suburbs allrounder William has proudly shown off his 4th pair of R.M. Williams boots at work this morning.
By all reports, it was an excruciating 5 minutes in the kitchenette when no one made a jokey comment about the price or the boots or straight out asked William how much they cost. This caused the man great pain.
Nevertheless, against the odds, a coworker finally cracked and commented that it was quite the purchase in this economy. A witness reported seeing a great feeling of calm wash over William’s face. The witness added,
“You know that face when someone is pissing in the pool and everyone can tell. Yeah. That was it and as soon as someone mentioned the boots being exxy he couldn’t help himself. He almost blew his load when he told us the boots cost $700 but then he sensed the poverty in our eyes and let us down gently”
The witness took a moment to compose himself, clearly moved by William’s kind gesture, he continued,
“To make us all feel better for being godless heathen peasants, he took a deep breath and assured us that while $700 is a lot for a pair of boots it’s completely justified given they’ll last the rest of his life”
After he said what he needed to say, a long sufferer coworker decided to play Devil’s Advocate and ask William why these were the 4th pair of R.M. boots he’d bought. A witness told The Times,
“William didn’t have a pre-prepared reply. He’s normally used to the plebs accepting the crumbs of humility he chucks at them like a bucket of shit from his royal palace. He then tried to act like he still wears all his pairs just for different occasions. He definitely doesn’t”
Well, that’s not totally true. His girlfriend contacted us unsolicitedly and told us that her massive flog of a boyfriend wears his first pair gardening now to feel like a real man.
A lost cause if there ever was one.
