REPORT: Freak Who Claims To Go For Eagles & Dockers Making Everyone Uncomfortable

Dan, a new employee at a city accounting firm has made waves amongst his colleagues after his controversial views came to light. 

Completely disregarding the fierce Western Australian footy partisanship, he claims to have equal love & respect for both the Dockers and the Eagles.

An employee at the office said Dan was creeping everyone out with his outrageous views, telling The Times,

“Look I’m a West Coast man and I can admit I watch the occasional Flagmantle game this season. It’s just good footy but saying you support both teams is just farked mate. How can you trust a man like that?”

To make matters worse, Dan said that he feels no strong emotional connection to Western Derbys, going so far as to say he wants the best team to win on the day. 

We spoke to a supervisor who famously barricaded himself in his office after the last Eagles derby loss and refused to speak to anyone until after lunch. He told The Times,

“Is he some kind of alien? A spay? I don’t know what his angle is. What does he mean he goes for both teams equally. Team WA he calls it. Between you and me I don’t want to be in a room alone with him if you catch my drift”

A Pies supporter at the office said he was used to being the object of ridicule at work but has since lost the mantle since this new weirdo strolled in, adding,

“I haven’t been called a toothless lout for days. All anyone wants to talk about is the fact this oddball has a Freo and Eagles mug on his desk. What is that? I may be a Como-born Pies supporter but at least I’m not Dan”

We spoke to Dan who just cleared out the kitchenette after expressing yet another weird “team WA” view. He told The Times,

“I don’t get it, for everything else it’s WA against the rest but when it comes to footy I’m expected to want a Victorian team to beat a WA team? I refuse. I equally support both WA teams and if that makes me a freak then so be it”

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