Retail worker starts smashing Xmas carols in the hope she’ll be completely numb by December

Every year, Perth retail worker Karissa is driven close to madness by the non-stop Xmas carols playing in the shopping centre she works at. It’s a familiar annual routine and one that doesn’t get easier. 

So in a radical plan, Karissa has begun self-inflicting Xmas carols on herself at an even higher CPD (carols per day) than usual. She hopes that the preparation done now will pay dividends in December. She told The Times,

“You can’t kill what’s already dead right? That’s the hypothesis of my little experiment essentially. I’ll go into the silly season desensitised to the carols and just go through the motions”

Karissa concedes that the experiment could backfire spectacularly. With experts warning that the extreme overexposure to the carols could render her a husk of a human. Unable to even enter the car park of a shopping centre in anticipation of more carols. She told The Times,

“It’s a risk I’ll have to take. I really don’t think I can get through another season if I go in dry. I’ve tried that and it doesn’t work. Today I listened to Mariah Carey for 7 hours straight. I think my eye has a permanent twitch now”

Karissa is currently working her way through Mariah Carey, Buble and even some of the stuffy Religo bangers in case she finds herself staring down the barrel of a traditional Xmas hoedown. Preparation is key. 

In addition to the self-inflicted carol abuse, Karissa has been role-playing customer complaints with her partner. She believes that she may also become desensitised to ol Jill chucking an adult tanty because they don’t have her preferred generic Xmas tinsel in stock or some shit. 

It’s a bold strategy and we certainly hope it pays off for the young retail worker. 

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