Rio ‘sorry’ for lost radioactive cap, yearns for an ancient Aboriginal cave they could bury the scandal under

Rio Tinto is spewin’ their fine name is embroiled in another embarrassing scandal and was forced to apologise to Australia for losing a radioactive capsule that was being transported by a contractor from Newman to Malaga. 

How the radioactive cap got loose in the first place is still under investigation however what is clear is that Rio are just fanging for the scandal to go away. If only there was an ancient Aboriginal cave they could just bury it all under. A spokesperson for Rio told The Times,

“It’s metaphorical but it’s also something we do and will probably do again if it was convenient to do so. Wouldn’t it be great if we could just slide this little radioactive snafu into one of those caves the next time we blow it and it’ll all be gone and buried ha ha”

Sources close to Rio Tinto confirm that the company would like the public to get off its back. With the sentiment being, who hasn’t lost a radiated capsule without any real gameplan on being able to locate it? The spokesperson continued,

“Yeah, I reckon a lot of punters are looking at their own sloppy radioactive material storage policies and fretting right now. Not in a million years would we think it was important to dot every i and cross every t when it came to that kinda bullshit. Ah well”

More to come. 

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