Rotto Accom “Open Day” Replaced With Battle Royale Deathmatch To Really See How Badly Families Want It

It’s music to WA families’ ears after it was announced the biggest overhaul to the Rottnest Island booking system was being rolled out in time for next summer’s bookings. 

Instead of the chaotic morning “open day” where families battle for accom they will now get to head to the island and earn their spot on the island drenched in the blood of the weaker families. A real bonding experience, you’ll all agree. 

A spokesperson for Tourism WA backed The Rottnest Island Authorities’ proposal. Stating that seeing people compete desperately for accommodation during the open day morning wasn’t getting their jollies off anymore. A source close to WA Tourism told The Times,

“What we really want is to create new traditions. So sending your strongest family member to use whatever means necessary to be the last man or woman standing on the island and claim their summer holiday villa voucher could be a real hit”

We spoke to Angela, a mum of 4 and keen holidayer on the island. She said the proposed system was both fairer and less horrific than the current one. Adding,

“The current system certainly makes me want to commit unspeakable acts. So why not just cut out the middleman and allow me to express those desires in a battle royale format? I’ll tell you, there is no way I’m not walking off that island without accommodation. Even if I have to leave countless bodies in my wake”

To sweeten the pot, the broadcast rights for the primal contest of survival will be auctioned off. No doubt providing a jolly good lark to all the Western Suburbs folks on their boats watching on with great interest as the plebs battle it out for the scraps. Which at the end of the day, is what you deserve living in whatever god awful shithole you call a suburb. 

RELATED: “Influencer” hoping none of her followers spot her returning from Rotto on the ferry of shame 

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