We often neglect to consider the Dickensian aspect of lockdowns and public health measures. Sadly, with the cancellation of the Royal Show in 2020, it has been a pretty lean year for many Claremont residents who missed out on the cash bonanza. 

Essentially, for the 6010, the Royal Show is an excellent opportunity to see the transfer of wealth from outer suburban show-hogs to the wallets of Claremont residents, who you won’t mind us calling, true Aussie battlers. 

Residents typically charge $20-$25 for show-goers to park on their verge or driveway. Many have been tempted to wack on an additional $5 fee for the trauma of dealing with such unsightly vehicles as Commodores, Falcons, and Nissan Pulsars. 

This year, however, some residents are considering upping the ante and pushing the parking fee north of $30. We spoke to a boomer who owns three houses in the leafy burbs,

“I always thought there should be a wall around Claremont but after last year’s cancellation, we’ve really been treading water financially. Those few hundred dollars could’ve been really helpful and sadly, tenants in one of our investment properties in some ghastly shithole suburb have to go without air con again this year”

We regret to inform you that this is far from the only heart-wrenching story coming out of Claremont. In just another case of the haves and have nots, a Claremont cougar was unable to gift her au pair her usual birthday bonus

“Yes, terrible shame darling but like many people in the 6010, we have been doing it tough this year. Mila gets so much joy with the $50 and half-day off we give her for her birthday but alas, this year it just wasn’t feasible for us”

At that moment her husband just pulled up in their 3 car garage after utilising his 2021 model’s park assist. When informed we were discussing the Royal Show parking money he had plenty to say,

“I’ve been unable to shout a single round at Cott golf course this year! Probably our worst year on record with the cancellation of the show. We hear the ticket pricing is getting slashed 25% so we’ll certainly be making sure these fancy Royal Show goers make up the difference in our parking fee. It’s not right they celebrate and we starve”

It isn’t simply the older generation that is hurting from last year’s fiasco. Younger Claremont residents also missed out on an important life lesson last year. Young Jess was set to run the parking operation on the day for the first time last year. She would’ve earned 10% of the takings. 

She was too distressed to talk to us but her grandfather made it clear,

“This was her first chance to learn how to use her parent’s assets to succeed in life. This year I’ve advised my son to cut her fee to 5% as she’ll also need to learn that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Our entire family is struggling”

The grandfather maintains the fee should be $45 for a half-day and he’ll still call the council to have a vehicle fined if the family is even 1 minute late to retrieve their shitbox. 

RELATED: The Human Zoo – Mrs Claremont Quarter

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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