ScoMo Wants WA Voters To Know He’s Just Picked Up a Bottle of D5s

ScoMo has a clear message for WA, he’s just picked up a fresh bottle of D5s and if anyone wants one, all you have to do is ask. 

ScoMo is allegedly furious that some people think his decision to back WA’s border stance and the promise to kickflip off the Telstra Exchange was just a cheap popularity grab.

ScoMo told The Bell Tower Times,

“I’m just like you, after a big day of charging 12-foot lefties at Scarborough Fair, I get a hell of a craving for some red cans of bush turkey but like many Western Australians, I need a little something to get me through”

He paused to reflect on his own Encyclopaedic knowledge of WA. Continuing, 

“I’m not after votes, I’m just after a ripper sesh down at Northgate and my message is clear. I’ll shout a couple on the house and if you need any more for your Uni assignments, I’ll do em for $3 each, that’s as good as you’ll find anywhere, mate”

Political analysts have declared the stunt “up there with Krudd’s $900” but expected it to win over a few of the younger voters. A leading politics nerd told us,

“ScoMo knows he has a bit of an image problem in WA. He dogged us with Clive and has been a top-tier dick about GST for as long as we can remember. So he’s carving a new image as a salt of the red dirt, West Aussie cobber”

Joking to a press pack, ScoMo said,

“Tell you what, I definitely have the dexie muncharoonies right about now. Could someone get me a hot beef roll from Rooster Treat? Make it extra red. Better be quick or I’ll fall into a classic dexie nap”

ScoMo is expected to be hanging around Perth pubs when the borders finally open and expects to be treated as a living god as he selflessly dishes out d-bangers in exchange for a couple of your darts. 

More to come. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?