In an effort to reduce the number of empty shelf photos the media get their hands on, the Baysie Bridge has done Perth a solid and agreed to temporarily suspend feeding until people can get their fancy yoghurts again.
A spokesperson for the bridge told The Bell Tower Times,
“The Bayswater Bridge has selflessly decided to starve so Perth can eat. She is cute like that. While she acknowledges the situation isn’t that bad the last thing she wants to do is force a Perth family to have to resort to their non-preferred brand of eggs by possibly disrupting a supply run”
Bayside Bridge experts say her feeding habits are similar to that of a large python. Telling us,
“Contrary to popular belief, the Baysie Bridge isn’t this indiscriminate, truck-eating monster that many delivery drivers think she is. Just like you, she must feed and usually nails two birds with one stone by eating and doing Perth a solid taking an incompetent driver off the road”
A local truck driver who lives in fear of his GPS sending him down that fateful route told us,
“It’s a relief that I’ll be spared for at least a few weeks. I keep meaning to check the height of my truck but you know how life just gets in the way of your plans sometimes?”
He paused to look in his rearview mirror to dislodge a chunk of cheese sausage that had been bothering him for 15minutes. Snaring his target, he continued,
“Plus, when you’ve been chasing the brown dragon for several days you’re too wired to remember details like that. I’m on my 5th Dare for the morning, man”
Bayside’s pledge has relieved supermarkets across Perth who occasionally has run out of a few items. Although, a bargain with such a majestic entity as Baysie comes at a price.
An owner of a local fresh produce shop told us,
“I don’t think mere mortals can understand the whims of such a beast. She coexists with us but that’s on her terms. We fear that after the supply chain smoothes out she might make up for lost time. Especially given her imminent destruction at the hands of MetroNet soon”
Reflecting on a long history of vehicular mayhem, Baysie simply had this to say,
“The condemned will have the right to a last meal and believe you me Perth, I shall feast”
Ominous stuff.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
