Sea Turtle Currently Choking On Plastic Feels For West Aussies Struggling With Wooden Cutlery

And I thought I had problems!” A majestic sea turtle currently choking on some single used plastic exclaimed after hearing the news many popular plastic items would be banned in WA from today. 

The sea turtle was kind enough to take some time out of his busy schedule of trying to clear his throat to tell The Times,

“Have you tried wooden cutlery? It’s like Pinnochio rubbing his woody across your tongue before a proper sanding! I would trade places with Western Australians struggling with this issue in a heartbeat”

Many sea creatures agree that positive steps to reduce plastic pale in comparison to the burden of remembering to bring your own knife & fork to work for lunch each day. 

A close confidant of the sea turtle said he felt immeasurable guilt that he was complaining about his very current and critical situation when Jane & Joe Bloggs were drinking coffee out of a container they don’t much care for. Adding,

“Why should they have to make sacrifices when there are other sources of plastic in the world! Ha! Didn’t think about THAT did you greenies!”

We spoke to Jane Bloggs who had just finished berating a local cafe for giving her a paper straw. She told The Times,

“Of course, I care about the environment and we’re all very sad to hear about that choking turtle but I hardly think making me use a paper straw is fair. It just falls apart in my mouth. It’s disgusting! Maybe that turtle should experience some proper hardship before whinging!”

It is a very fair point and so often the creatures in our fragile ecosystem need a reminder to shut up and think about others. 

Today marks a tough day for many who will miss the joy of snapping a plastic fork in their poorly reheated pad thai at lunch. We can only hope the whinging wildlife can respect these difficult times. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?