DPRK Vows Not To Attack City of Nedlands Now Kid’s Hospice Has Been Scrapped

The City of Nedlands has voted to not build a children’s hospice near the Swanbourne Barracks due, in part, to the unacceptable threat of a foreign power attacking it. Many laughed at the absurd NIMBYism. Many are still laughing today.

However, what the Western Suburbs didn’t know is just how close they came to that fate. With the Democratic Republic of North Korea just itching for Perth to build a child’s hospice. Something they stand against and will use maximum force to stop.

The tension between the rogue sovereign and The City of Nedlands reached unbearable levels in the moments leading up to the council vote on the children’s hospice near the Swanbourne Barracks.

A spokesperson for North Korea said their entire top brass was awaiting the outcome of the vote. Deciding on whether they will go through their attack on their “primary target” – the hospice. Adding,

“If you know Kim Jong Un, you’ll know how much he hates children’s hospices in affluent Perth neighbourhoods. Perth has no idea how close it came to feeling the wrath of our most loved leader”

We told a City of Nedlands ratepayer about the DPRK’s threats and they told The Times,

“That’s why we have a local government. To save us from the threat of a full missile bombardment that would’ve reduced Nedlands to something that looks like Midland. I’m glad we were spared this time”

While the City of Nedlands may have spared itself there are fresh fears that the North Korean Generals will be deploying covert operations to find out the next location of the hospice.

The North Korean spokesperson told The Times,

“Our message is clear. No matter where you build it, we will find it and we will take it out. You have no idea how much this issue feels our leader’s brain”

We understand that Kim Jong Un is preparing to send Dennis Rodman to the next City of Nedlands meeting to convey his appreciation for the sensible planning move.

We can rest easy tonight Perth but who knows for how long. 

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