Make them feel maximally secure – remind them that SOR has all the best prisons in Perth and lock that heart up. Don’t hesitate to throw away the key because this fact will will cause a riot in their loins every time.
Not only will this SOR flex make their heart hakea for you but you’ll almost certainly be thrust into a casual-arina relationship in no time.
Take a romantic drive to Carousel shopping Centre – it’s a fact that people form deep bonds after surviving a life threatening situation together. Where can one find such an experience SOR? Well many places but few have a impressively renovated shopping experience at the end of the rainbow.
A cheeky drive to Carousel will offer just that as you prove your worth as a protector navigating the piece of shit roads and ice-addled dual cab drivers.
Soak yourself in SOR pheromones – nailing this concoction can be tough but well worth your time. Take 1 part Canning River blue green algae stank, 2 Leach Highway parts sheep truck piss, and a puff of vape cloud from an underage eshay at Cockburn Gateway and voila you’ll be stinking real good. Irresistible.
Send him a saucy photo of your new floor mattress – bad bases are bougie NOR decadence. A true SOR resident prefers the freedom of the floor mattress.
Especially when it’s paired with faux-mystic imagery such as a dream catcher. This is particularly effective if it’s in a sharehouse along South St.
Lose yourself at South Beach – speaking of South St, it’ll take you most of the way to a very romantic beach. You won’t just lose yourself but your very perception of reality as you enjoy a DMT session in a van that stinks like feet and incense. Enjoy the thrill of some dune-wanker watching your date from behind a bush.
Make their heart burn (out) for you in an O’Connor industrial area – life is what happens when you’re busy not shredding tyres in the back streets of O’Connor.
So make time for the special things. Enjoy the thrill ride to the sounds of your police scanner for a heads up on when it’s time to leave. Seal the deal by getting your Edward Slipperyfingers in the roller skate rink car park.
RELATED: 5 hot tips to transition from NOR to your new life SOR
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
