Strange Balloon Appears Over Kalgoorlie Super Pit As Perth Mint’s Diluted Gold Scandal Deepens

Kalgoorlie residents have noticed a strange balloon that floated above Kalgoorlie towards the Super Pit mine today. Sources from within the WA Government believe that the balloon could be a Chinese intelligence-gathering device. 

Why the CCP would deploy such a device is the subject of great speculation. Although some think it’s pretty obvious. They are pissed off they got sold doped gold and they are keeping an eye on WA’s gold manufacturing processes to see wtf happened. 

A source from within the Government told The Times,

“Yeah, we think that the CCP is trying to gather intel. We also spotted a similar balloon over the Perth Mint. So I guess you don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out what’s going on. Naturally, the CCP denies it has anything to do with them”

In true Kalgoorlie form, locals have gathered to take pot-shots at the balloon with anything they can. From crudely made slingshots to “legally” registered 22s. So far, no one has been able to hit the balloon which is definitely well outside the capabilities of a few Kal hicks. 

We spoke to Dylan who has been letting off round after round at the balloon. Not because he’s worried about CCP stealing WA mining secrets but because he doesn’t have much else to do. He told The Times,

“Beats shooting at cans ay. It’s a cunnovadog though. Up really high. I hope it’s not stealing me text messages to that bird I’m rootin. Christ, that’d give them Chinese a shock ha ha. Probably escalate tension just cos of that ha ha”

A spokesperson for the Australian Defence Force admitted they didn’t have the kind of missile capable of taking out the balloon and our only hope is a savage easterly to blow the balloon towards Perth where experts believe no intelligent communications can be picked up. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?