Sources close to the Chinese government have told The Times that Xi Jinping has had an absolute gutful of Perth Mint taking the piss. While it’s hard to determine the final straw we can report that the latest delivery of “gold bars” certainly didn’t help.
At approximately 7:30 am CST, a delivery of Old Gold bars was delivered from the Perth Mint to Beijing. Chinese gold traders are used to a little doping with silver but have declared this latest attempt at delivering gold to be an absolute joke. A source told The Times,
“When we buy gold we want gold. Perth Mint has to take responsibility and refund this order immediately. Although we do note that these mediocre chocolate bars contain about the same amount of gold as their last shipment of bullion”
Diplomats warn that if China doesn’t get what they pay for they are liable to through quite a tantrum and possibly mobilise that big arse carrier into our waters again. A key diplomat told The Times,
“Old gold? Who eats that shit? You safeguard your economy with average gold bars you need the pure stuff. Perth Mint has to start selling actual gold to customers, it’s kind of what they do”
Clearly, the latest delivery has soured relations as several weather balloons have been seen hovering around Kalgoorlie. A classic CCP play. We can only hope that Twiggy can jam enough high-quality WA iron ore down their trade-holes to smooth things over.
In the interim, Perth Mint promises to deliver actual gold bars this time.
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