Two Rocks considers rebranding to South Geraldton to better represent the living experience

Whenever a fresh face journeys to Two Rocks they are left with a glaring question – “why is this still considered Perth?”

It’s a conundrum for the ages and few outside the Sprawlaratti know the answer to it. So in an attempt to better manage new arrivals’ expectations, Two Rocks is considering a rebrand to “South Geraldton”.

We spoke to a Two Rocks local who said if you come up here expecting the luxuries of Perth you are having a laugh. Adding,

“You’re an hour out of Perth and there’s nothing but crusty sea men and a grand statue to the old gods of the sea. This is no place for a Perth cleanshirt, it’s far more suited to the kind of salty brute who thrives in an environment like Gero”

Not wrong. For fairness, we spoke to a Geraldton resident who was personally in favour. Adding,

“Look, we all know the Gero Supremacy is real and we’ll one day end up taking over much of Westralia. Two Rocks is a great strategic outpost for our push towards Perth. Mark our words, you’ll all bow before Gero – especially you Dongara”

Absolutely terrifying and prophetic ranting from the lad. We decided to speak to a slightly more sane Gero resident who said if you’ve driven to Two Rocks you may as well just keep going so “why not let them join the Gero party”.

Next, we decided to get Perth’s thoughts on the rebrand. We spoke to the WA Government who put out this statement,

“We couldn’t care less, please don’t bother us with the cretinous plans of Two Rocks or Geraldton again”

Not everyone in Two Rocks is juiced about the plan however. One particularly salty sea dog told The Times that he wasn’t ready for all the “razzle dazzle” and “panache” that would come with being associated with Geraldton. Adding,

“We are simple folk and ain’t interested in all the hustle & bustle of the big smoke. Just let us exceed our bag limits in peace”

Sounds like you’ll fit in well with the Gero culture.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?