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WA Health considers relaxing stocktake on the “good stuff” to help attract more nurses

It’s no secret that staffing at WA hospitals is a serious issue. So WA Health is considering a radical measure to attract more nurses, especially seasoned campaigners, back to the public system. 

Under the plan, nurses would be allowed to take a “lolly bag” of schedule 4-9 goodies home at the end of a particularly hectic shift. In a policy designed to “take the edge off” a bit. 

Currently, tight regulation exists around schedule 4 through to 9 chill pills. Including needing multiple staff members to access the safe and strict reporting protocol. Not like the good ‘ole days. 

We spoke to a nurse that left the public health system after claiming she was tired of understaffing, being abused and a general lack of coordination in the hospital. She told The Times,

“Back in the day you’d just force a smile knowing that you’d have a few val-pals to enjoy at Milligans after work. Then you’d just go to your happy place. It wasn’t perfect but the system worked”

A directionless high schooler contacted The Times to say that she’d certainly enroll in nursing if there was a xanny-rainbow at the end of the tunnel, adding,

“Hell yeah, that’d be lit. I was thinking maybe physiotherapy but I’ll do just about anything that kind of perk”

Not everyone is stoked at the proposal. With a leading doctor expressing his concern, 

“What about the rest of us that want to pop a temaza and mung out after a long shift? One rule for nurses another for me, ay? You think being a doctor in this system is a walk in the park?”

Supporters of the proposal say that the doctor can do what the rest of his kind do and get a mate doctor to write a prescription. 

It remains to be seen whether the proposal will go through. Although, probably not. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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