Western Australia may be renowned as the champagne mining jurisdiction of the world but it’s losing countless workers to the allure of the real coal face – crypto mining. 

For the past several years, the traditional mining industry has struggled to keep WA’s best miners who, according to their loud, drunken rants in the wet mess, are “quitting this shit to make some real coin”

Of course, they are referring to using enough electricity to power a small Island Nation to mine about $5 worth of BTC a day on their “crypto rigs”. 

WA, therefore, has no choice but to diversify its mining investments and ensure a new generation of miners have the skills to set up a series of powerful computers and take WA “to the moon”. 

We spoke to former blast operator Deano who quit his highly paid job 2 years ago to focus on mining crypto,

“It’s about time this state invested in me and helped me become a better miner. I’ve done a fair bitta damage to me wiring and started a small house fire last month. These cunnovathings get so hot ha ha, yeah, nah, I run em nonstop. Cops raided me 3 times thinking I’m growing mull”

Asked whether the switch from real mining to crypto mining was paying off, he told us, 

“Yeah mate, I’m in horrible debt now but my mentor “CRYPTOBOSS69” on Telegram reckons this shitcoin I’m mining is gonna moon soon. So I’ll be filthy then. It also helps that I’m stealing power from the local community hall ha ha but shoosh”

The WA School of Crypto Mining will offer a 3-year program to learn the basics of crypto mining including classes in: “forcing some nerds to set up your rig”, “stealing power”, “preventing housefires” and most importantly, lessons in how to “deal with haters when you’re a billionaire”. 

Never one to keep his name out of the news, WA iron ore-magnate Twiggy has vowed to set up the first green crypto mine in Port Hedland that will offer a 4:1 FIFO swing for anyone wanting to bring up their Ps4 to help mine BTC. 

We reached out to Twiggy for comment but he was only prepared to send back a one-line statement saying, “Ape Together Strong, HODL”. 

For more on being a cyrpto careers: So, you’re going to become a cryptocurrency millionaire?

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