WA woman enjoying the “how the fark did they get my phone number?” sales

Carla isn’t the type of consumer to look a gift horse in the mouth and she couldn’t be more stoked at the unsolicited texts from retailers offering her slight discounts on heavily marked-up items that she really doesn’t need. Enter – Black Friday sales, or better known as – how the fark did they get my phone number? Sales.

By 9 am, Carla had already spent her limited disposable income on a bunch of shit that she wouldn’t have got the chance to if that retailer hadn’t managed to track down her phone number because she sure as hell doesn’t remember signing up to them. 

We spoke to Carla who just sealed the deal on a new tablet that she swears she’ll use this time unlike the last one she bought. She told The Times,

“All these texts just make me feel so loved and popular. It’s like they went out specifically to find me. I love a retailer that does the chasing for once. I don’t think I’ve ever signed up to a mailing list in my life. Thank god they have their ways though!”

Indeed, if so many retailers weren’t showing Carla the love she wouldn’t have been able to save clearance items from being sold even cheaper during the Boxing Day sales. A civic duty to the retail industry really. 

Carla loudly celebrated another win after snapping up an air fryer for 50% off. She had the smug look that only a mother could love as she began to brag about her elite brand of consumerism,

“I think with the excessive postage and handling free I’m paying a tad more than if I just went down to a local store but I just saved myself a trip. How’s that for smart shopping?”

As the day rolls on, Carla receives more and more emails from retailers she hasn’t even heard of. Time to start rinsing that credit card Carla!

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?