Friends of a 24 year old “influencer type” were left perplexed after she failed to upload a selfie of herself sitting on a bed while looking at the Swan River through her hotel window within 5 hours of checking in.

Staff told The Bell Tower Times that the guest had all the classic hallmarks of an influencer. Including L.V bag, an excessive amount of hair & makeup for a Wednesday and a simp boyfriend who that kept referring to her as his “queen”.

Despite looking like exactly the type to book a vacation at the Ritz to help launch an Instagram career, no social media acvitiy was observed.

Initially onlookers presumed there was a hold up with setting up the photoshoot. Perhaps the simp boyfriend bought the wrong coloured rose petals or alternatively she couldn’t quite get the bubbles right for the bath tub shot.

Further theories circulated that the sun was too bright and the glare was ruining the obligatory photoshoot. However as the sun went down this seemed increasingly unlikely.

Naturally, the worst was feared. Nothing about this made sense. Accordingly, a couple of secuirty guards were sent up to check on the room. To make sure everything was OK.

We spoke to one of the first responders, who told us,

“Nothing would prepare us for what we saw in that room. It turned out that the partner had purchased an insufficient engagement ring and she was letting him have it, with both barrels”

It turns out, the modest $20k ring looked like “total dogshit” and she “wouldn’t be caught dead wearing such a disgusting piece of crap”.

He continued,

“We were pretty relieved that the guests were OK but to be honest, I reckon the bloke probably needed a nurse or soemthing, nothing physical but he was completely rekt”

We managed to talk to the boyfriend while he was on his way to Rosendorfs the following day,

“This is completely on me, what princess wants, princess gets, I have learned now that I didn’t just ruin our relationship but I ruined her engagement photoshoot. I really can’t afford another night plus the correct ring, so we’ll have to wait until my pay goes through. If you speak to her, tell her how sorry I am”

Luckily, the universe realligned itself when the guest in question found the courage to move past her partner’s failures and post a #girlboss #hustler selfie of herself drinking champagne in a dressing gown and claiming this is how she “rolled“.

For more: THE HUMAN ZOO – Ms Ritz-Carlton

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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