Young professional still sipping water from a glass like a peasant

The cost of living crisis has reached a new low. With a young professional being spotted drinking water from a communal glass this week.

Naturally, the only conclusion one could draw from such an action is she is living below the poverty line and can’t afford a Frank Green, Yeti or Stanley tumbler. One of her coworkers described the distressing scene,

“A society can only be judged on how we treat our poorest and Cindy is obviously a few defaults off being totally homeless or something. Doesn’t she take her hydration seriously? Do poor people still use glasses? It’s hard to watch”

Cindy’s manager says used to enjoy the open-plan office but watching Cindy consume water every day has left her depressed. Likening it to a sick animal at a zoo. Adding,

“It’s a major ick. I talked to corporate about getting some branded Stanley tumblers rolled out but they are dragging their feet. So to avoid having to watch this total display of poverty I have set up a GoFundMe for Cindy. It’s the right thing to do”

We spoke to Cindy who claims she didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Even going as far to say she quite enjoyed the water experience through a nice glass. Adding,

“They look at me like I’m drinking out of a piece of garbage I wrestled another vagrant for at the tip. These are lovely glasses and I like to break up my day by walking to the kitchenette and refilling it! The other day someone left a bunch of canned goods on my desk”

At the time of publishing this article, the GoFundMe had reached $80. So close to the target of $120. We can only hope the remaining staff dig deep to give another commercial fad a home this January.

This is why the stage 3 tax cuts for people earning over $180k have never been more urgent.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?