While all the snobs go and live the high life in Geraldton, you’ll be having the time of your life holidaying at its cousin town to the south. Cousin in the sense of that guy who rocks up to Xmas inexplicably wearing 90’s DC skate shoes and court paperwork in his back pocket.
How will you spend your week in Dongara? Get blasted on rum and take photos of the big rock lobster of course. After that check out an old cottage (you beauty) then load up a rusty Hilux and go on a Gero run to scrap with some of the locals for the honour of the yellow submarine.
Wagin is the town on everyone’s lips after Australia Post saw fit to honour the giant ram and his spectacular balls on a commemorative $1 coin. So after you’ve given Bart’s lollybags a good rub, what’s next?
Compete with a farmer at Woolorama of course. Held in March this is what a Royal Show should look like and you can literally compete with local country boys and girls in anything. Hell, they’ll probably throw a literal pissing contest for you if you ask nice enough but maybe stick to the fashion show, you Perth clean shirt softcock.
Another great alternative if Gero is a bit too fancy for you. Northampton represents the finest spot in footy talent tourism. The town has produced Patrick Cripps, Jamie Cripps, Liam Anthony, Harry Taylor, Josh Kennedy, Daniel Chick, Paul Hasleby, and Andrew Lockyer.
So, during your adventure holiday in Northampton try to farm some baby gravy from one of the local studs. You never know which genetic load is going to produce the next AFL superstar. It’s a lottery for sure and you may just end up with someone who will only ever win 3 votes in smashing middies and screaming at the TAB screen but it’s a risk you should take.
4. Marble Bar
Heat tourism will be all the rage in 2024. There is something about the Western Australian spirit that leads us to chase the perfect heat wave. To ride that crest to front-bar-bragging rights glory and then collapse on the shore of heat exhaustion in a sweaty mess.
Marble Bar claims to be the hottest town in Australia although Wyndham would dispute that. That’s OK because when it comes to subjective tolerance of heat it’s all about how big a blowhard you are, not facts. Once you’re done sweating go look at some stromatolites. Everyone loves those.
If you think the Bunbury Farmers Market gets intense, wait until you experience the largest undercover sheep sale yard in the Southern Hemisphere. Watching farmers in full flight is one of the great pleasures of regional WA tourism.
Speaking of which, if you really want to see farmers in full flight, go and trespass on their nearby canola fields for your yellow field Instagram photoshoot. They’ll certainly put on a show for you! If you’re lucky you might even get out without your tyres slashed.
6. Tom Price
Tom Price is the quintessential WA town – it’s known for iron ore and being high – in fact, the highest town above sea level. It’s also the gateway to Karijini National Park, where the pools and falls are going to look spec-fkn-tacular after getting high yourself.
You’ll also have to take in a game of the local footy. Named the Fortescue Footy league, it’s a great chance to enjoy the majesty of country footy. It’s not as polished as the Perth league but watching a Plugger-esque underground miner slot 10 with a hangover is not to be missed.
Many people think Mandurah bribed the judges to be named WA’s top tourism town but those people obviously haven’t experienced the glory of Mandurah for themselves lately.
It’s no surprise they call Mandurah the giant slayer – slaying other tourism towns and also literally one of the giants they were entrusted with. Full guide to Mandurah HERE.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?