Ageing Millennial who fell asleep on an outdoor chair at 9 pm thinks he has what it takes for Darude next week

Will has dismissed claims that his performance last night following the Flagmantle win proves he hasn’t got what it takes to party at the Darude show next weekend.

We understand that after an afternoon on the pints, Will was unable to go the distance and chat shit with his buddies around an outdoor setting. Conking out at a pathetic 9 pm.

To put this effort into perspective, Darude’s show at Metros doesn’t even start until 9 pm. With the legend probably not taking to the stage until much later.

We spoke to his mate who told The Times that Will should stick to paint & sip classes and leave the raving to real Peter Pans. Adding,

“There is absolutely no chance this bloke is staying up until 9 pm to even get through the entrance at Metros. Let alone get disgustingly sweaty on the D-Floor. You know Darude is going to make you wait for Sandstorm so I don’t expect that to happen until late into the show. It’s going to be a battle of endurance for his fan base and Will ain’t got it”

We understand several elder millennials and spritely Gen X’ers have attempted to contact Darude and request he thumps out a performance of Sandstorm a little earlier in the night for their benefit.

We spoke to a 45 year old who told The Times that his dexie contacts had dried up long ago and even if he could get his hands on some MD he fears it would be the end of him,

“Yeah no way. When you get to my age the only time you want to be up when the sun is rising is when you’re camping and your mate has gassed the tent up with the eye-watering aroma of his sausage & beer diet”

No doubt this will be the biggest battle Gen Y & Gen X has ever faced.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?