Ageing ressies player reckons no one would be talking about Harley Reid if he’d entered the draft

Thommo is somewhat of a legend at his local footy club – not only does he own the full AFL kit but he also is one of the few 30 year olds who could absolutely make it at the elite level if he wanted it.

Which, of course, he doesn’t. We spoke to Thommo who was cracking tins while scoffing at the AFL draft. He told The Times,

“I get scouts coming up to me after every game and saying Thommo when are you going pro big ‘orse you got what it takes, that’s undisputed. I thought I might have a run at it this year to take some of the wind out of that Harley Reid’s sales but did a hammy in Thailand”

Last year, he claimed to have done an ACL after being asked by the coach to take a defender role rather than his preferred position of lurking around the middle/forward line depending on how many tinnies he had the night before.

Two years ago it was because he got a nasty concussion after getting into a punch up with a superior ressies athlete after the game. He continued,

“I just need one pre-season to get to AFL level fitness, that’s not an issue, so yeah, when you look at the raw talent I have I think I’d easily be the number one maybe two draft pick. Don’t believe me? Why does the WAFL always beg me to come down?”

The WAFL has denied any knowledge of Thommo and having heard about his on-field shenanigans say they wouldn’t even want him in the crowd watching one of their games.

To understand where Tommo was coming from we spoke to his long suffering girlfriend who dreads November each year. She told The Times,

“He’s deadly serious. It comes at about the 14th beer mark where he starts telling everyone that he’s going to nominate for the draft next year and show them all how it’s done. Then he has 3 days of training before giving up. It’s a vicious cycle”

Thommo’s current coach was reached for comment but declined to speak to us. He said he has to go through an entire season hearing about how elite Thommo is (from Thommo) and cherishes his time away from the blowhard.