G’day ya pissweak little maggots. It’s Keifo here to give yas some advice on establishing ya dominance on site. Will you ever be as alpha as me? Yeahnahhh but don’t feel bad oroight, I wrote the form guide on this shit.
Radio – most sites try to enforce a first come first serve policy on the site radio. Get absolutely farked. When Keifo is on site, it’s going to be Keifo’s choice. That’s why I’m feared and respected in the construction industry.
If you aroiiive on site and some appreno has Triple J playing you have to call ‘em a fairy. Get em by the throat if ya need to. No farken podcasts either. Real alpha dogs learn everything from the school of hard knocks. Got it? More on site radios HERE.
Mark ya territory – first things first, yas gotta remember that humans are just animals. If you don’t believe me look at the farken forrest growing in me gooch area. Just like other animals ya gotta mark yas scent.
So whenever “bossman” finishes taking a shit in the portaloo I’ll go in and show him how a real man destroys a toilet. Leave the door open so he can smell ya stink. Always be at least 4 Dares and 3 pies deep to ensure maximum devastation.
Smoko – only dress wearing sparkys let another man disturb them at smoko. When Keifo is on smoko there is a zone of fuckoff up and see what happens if you enter that while I’m going to town on me Roota combo.
If it’s ya first day on site and someone even looks at you during smoko then ya gotta put a torque wrench through their windscreen. Only way to deal with the dumb dogs.
One-upping – if you let another bloke on site get a laugh from their story then you’re farken nothing. Here’s a saucer of milk ya pusssy. Always have a better story loaded up ready to go. Doesn’t matter if it’s not true,
This also apploiiise if some hero is braggin’ about some work bullshit they reckon they done. Always come in hot with a story of how you did it a million toimes better. More on shit-talking HERE.
Tools down – tools down is when the real work in the construction industry starts. Never let another man out drink, bet or smoke you. I drink me pints twice as fast as anyone. I put on double what anyone else does on the dogs and I always back to back darts.
I once had to drink for 3 days straight to show this Kiwi scaffie he had no chop ha ha. Missed x-mas day with the family cos of that ha ha. Toime well spent.
RELATED – THE HUMAN ZOO – THE TAB TRADIE
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?