Trump has made a special announcement following the Socceroos’ loss to America that they will receive a payment of $300B as per America’s policy on big wins.
A spokesperson for the White House told The Times that paying the other side $300B is what victory looks like. Adding,
“President Trump set the precedent in Iran and America is not about to have egg on its face. Let anyone who wants a piece of America to know – you mess with us and you get the bread”
Accordingly, Paraguay is apparently ramping up their preparation for their match by doing absolutely nothing. With an insider telling The Times,
“They are worried that beating America means they won’t get the money, a World Cup win is good but $300B is better, the team is actually just getting on the beers now”
Some have accused President Trump on devaluing what winning means due to the extreme payments. With some Americans even going as far to question wheter it is a win.
Naturally, they will be deported for questioning dear leader.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?