It’s no secret that AusPost’s post offices were the epicentre of strange impulse consumer wares in this country for many years.
That’s until German giant Aldi entered the “weird shit to waste your money on” arena and absolutely dominated.
Now people with no real consumeristic direction flock to the sterile stores for their chance of finding treasure in the centre aisle of dreams. A stop they used to make to the post office.
AusPost released a statement exclusively to The Times stating,
“When it comes to unusual items that look like they’ve fallen off the back of a truck, AusPost is committed to leading the way. Just yesterday a shady relative of an employee sourced a great deal on strobing disco ball lights that we can’t wait to get on our weird shelves. AusPost will rise up once again as the kings of bullshit!”
Consumers are already remarking on the effort AusPost has made to compete with Aldi’s centre aisle. We spoke to a man who just snapped up an airbed with a purpose built leg pillow. He told The Times,
“I admit I jumped ship to Aldi. Their range of crap I don’t need is just far more extensive and odd. However, my wife told me about this contoured leg pillow and I thought, that’s exactly the sort of thing I want to blow money I really don’t have on. Thanks AusPost”
AusPost are remaining tight lipped on the direction they are going in but have indicated that one shouldn’t be surprised to find steering wheel covers, tiki torches and even exercise machines from the 1980s on their shelves.
Aldi has refused to comment on the escalating tensions other than confirming that their centre aisle will always be the biggest tripout of all retailers.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
