Admin of a neighbourhood group was forced to interrupt the ongoing inquisition of whose internet was out to alert everyone that 3 kids have once again been spotted riding BMX bikes down her street. One was even adorned in a hooded jumper or “hoody”, as it’s known colloquially.
Admin spotted the disturbing sight at 7:30 pm and wasted no time alerting her flock,
“Everyone please be advised that a group of suspicious youths has been spotted again riding slowly down my street!!! For your own safety please remain inside and lock all windows and doors! You just can’t be too careful anymore. They are CLEARLY not from around here!”
She assert that anyone with footage or information about the youths should come forward immediately and provide her with the intel. She was coordinating with several local authorities and witholding information would result in a permenant ban.
A younger man dared to “laugh react” to her post. He was immediately classified as a youth-BMX-sympathiser and was dealt with very swiftly. A witness in the group told The Bell Tower Times,
“Within split seconds of his laugh react she had tagged him in the comments asking what was so funny. He explained that the kids were like 14 and he’d seen em at the local playground before. He then told her she was overreacting and pushed her on whether she ever rode a bike as a kid”
Admin contacted us with a slightly different take on the insubordination,
“Under normal circumstances, I would have issued him with a warning and a 24-hour mute but we are in a state of emergency. Any one of our hoses could be raided at any second and this rabble-rouser was laugh reacting to my post!!!!!! He’ll never set foot in this group again”
An old bloke also took exception to Admin’s post but for a slightly different reason. A witness from within the group told us,
“Yeah look, he posted a screengrab from one of his security cameras which captured the kids as they road down another street – popping wheelies. He was furious she didn’t have the bottle to adequately identify their pigmentation, which in his view was clearly not the right one”
A number of members jumped on the post to agree. Saying there’s no point burying their head in the sand. The witness continued,
“He demanded to know when the group became woke and full of snowflakes before launching into a tirade about ‘that lot’. Was pretty awkward”
Admin furiously defended her actions stating she clearly said in her post that the children were not from around the suburb. She was obviously hoping the members of her group would read between the lines.
After dealing with the challenges to her authority, Admin gave a running update every 5 minutes on the status of the police she had requested be deployed.
All other points of conversation were not currently being approved by Admin until the situation was resolved. This was the real deal people. Admin was going in hard.
An uneasy calm fell over the group at roughly 8:30pm, when a member reported that she’d spotted a group resembling the grainy CCTV screengrab at a Maccas in the next suburb over.
It wasn’t enough to fully calm Admin’s mind but she lifted the state of emergency and downgraded it to watch and act. Close call.