The City of Perth has had an ongoing problem with attracting and retaining punters to the CBD. Well, thanks to some nostalgic appeal, this is an issue that will be no more.
A volunteer group of servo-sunny, bucket hat-wearing nang-lords have taken matters into their own hands and hidden 50 bags of O.G Green Mitsis around the CBD.
Organisers have said that as soon as case numbers are down the treasure hunt will be deployed. Its popularity is expected to be immeasurable.
See, since over a decade ago, the issue of why Perfians can’t be farked with the City has been a political hot potato. Parking, undesirables, masks, you name it, the powers to be have claimed it.
However, instead of thinking about what keeps people AWAY from the City, one gurning visionary thought about what traditionally brings people INTO the city and the answer is pingaz.
Philanthropist and an old Teknoskape authority told The Times,
“What people don’t realise is that there has always been a stash of the kutz buried in a hobby farm off Pinjarra. We didn’t know how to utilise such power but we realise our CBD needs us more than ever”
Said charitable legend continued,
“So to draw everyone from zoomers to old Gen Y & X short-wearing, balding ravers to the City we’ve distributed the disco biscuits into little bags of 2, even throwing in an authentic Stuyvesant Blue soft pack & Vicks inhaler with one lucky bag”
News of the treasure hunt has ripped through old DnB circles with crowds in their thousands expected to descend into the CBD in due course.
Seasoned campaigner and new dad, Phil was showing off a few of his old rinsing moves when he told The Times,
“Do you have any idea how much I think about being young again. I just want one more night to let my strands down and dance like a bunny rabbit with electrodes attached to my nuts one last time. Yeah, it might do me in but I need this man, I’m 40 next year”
Similarly, Sez was literally licking her lips when she told The Times, “tell me where one of those bags are now and I’ll…’
Oof, had to cut the interview short but you can use your imagination to understand just how keen this old warhorse was on finding one of these Willy Gurnas Golden tickets.
Happy hunting Perth and while you’re sniffing around the crevices, spend some coin on the struggling businesses. Shouldn’t be a problem if you find one and a join is selling bottles of water.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?