Belmont Man Makes a Pig of Himself at Acquaintance’s Wedding

Trisha Martin and Johnny Randow tied the knot at the South Perth Yacht Club on 9 May 2013. By most reports the night was a roaring success, soured only by one man’s insatiable disregard for social etiquette.

Belmont man, Randy Flanagan started the night poorly by ignoring the dress code and attending the suave function in  a pair of cargo shorts and short sleeved buttoned up shirt.

Onlookers were further disgusted at his relentless attacks on the trays of exquisite canapes that were being circulated by the caterers.  The Bell Tower Times spoke to Natasha Snedden, who was reduced to a sobbing mess in the corner by 9:00pm, she told the Times:

“that man is a pig. Who is this man? Who invited him? He has not stopped scoffing food down his fat face the entire night and speaks while he is chewing!”

It seems Randy wasn’t content with horrifying guests with his gluttony, when by 11:30pm he had begun leering and making sexually inappropriate comments to the female guests, urging one male patron who was dancing with his girlfriend to “give her one for me”.

The night reached a surreal climax when Randy stormed out of the toilet and declared to a shocked guest, “shitters full, give it 15 minutes”.  By all reports, the stench seeping from the room was enough to curdle milk.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?