BREAKING: Perth Sports Bar Worker Finally At Peace Now 

It has been a rough weekend for a Perth sports bar worker who had back-to-back early morning shifts to satisfy the relentless thirst generated by two of the biggest events on the calendar. However, after being permitted to knock off after the Superbowl, Adam can finally begin the healing process. 

His nightmare started yesterday when the Perth UFC attracted bumper crowds of exactly the type of people who wouldn’t bat an eyelid at 8 bourbon & cokes before 8 am. Nevertheless, he served them drink after drink and ran bowl after bowl of chicken wings with a smile on his face. He told The Times,

“There was a lot of pain behind that smile yesterday. Do you know how many people champed me? How many people grabbed my arm because their misso was wondering where her wings were that she ordered 2 minutes ago? Needless to say, things didn’t get much better”

Adam agreed to work a whopper shift yesterday because the thirst of Perth’s hardest sports fan seemingly had no end. Pulling a double shift, he dragged his sorry arse home to bed only to fall asleep in a pool of his own self pity. Before any chance of being well rested, his alarm went off again for the Superbowl shift. He continued,

“I dragged my arse into work at 5:30 for another 6 am start. The ghosts of yesterday were still haunting me. I had to pull a bloke out of the urinal who fell in after knocking himself out when he slipped shadow-boxing in the toilets. Then I was surrounded by the Superbowlers”

Like groundcunt day, he was once again serving people froffs and wings at 6 am. When he wasn’t serving he was staring into the distance like a triple-tour middle east veteran. The only thing keeping him going was a potentially pumping halftime show.

Sadly, it was pretty fkn boring. Adam is now enjoying a few staffies while trying to trick his mind into feeling again. Good luck pal.

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Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?