Bali Calls In Urgent Reinforcements After Learning BHP Owes $430 Million In Backpay To Workers

It’s battle stations in Bali as the news of BHP owing over 30,000 workers a total of $430 Million buckeroos created an atmosphere of pure terror on the holiday island. 

Sure, some Balinese vendors were licking their lips at their projected Bintang singlet sales however others took a more realistic view and were wondering how on earth they would be able to handle it. A spokesperson for Bali told The Times,

“We have mixed feelings about the $430 Million being injected into our economy. We want the money but we are legitimately worried about the true cost to us. Our souls, our spirits, our will to go on living, you know?”

Fears are well held. With thousands of mining industry employees already planning a two-week bender on the island as soon as the cash hits their bank accounts. We spoke to a former BHP FIFO worker who stands to make some decent coin. He told The Times,

“I’m gonna drink until I shit meself standing up like I did when Kevin Rudd gave us $900. Any free money I get goes towards piss. All I can say is, I’d hate to be a Balinese bar tender in about 2 weeks ha ha ha”

To prepare for the slaughter, Bali has requested urgent reinforcements. Including extra police, military blockades, thrice the number of pool bars, scooters, magic mushrooms, and of course every masseuse in the region to urgently attend. 

Obviously, police holding cells & Kerobokan prison will need to be upgraded as well as staff to handle the influx. We understand that the Balinese authorities have contacted BHP and begged them to stagger the payouts. A source told The Times,

“If they can at least space the payments out over a few weeks it might just give us a chance to prepare properly. If all that cash drops at the same point then we may need to declare a state of emergency and close our borders”

Good luck Bali, you’ll certainly need it. 

RELATED: 8 Disguting Ways To Blow Your Share Of BHP’s $430 Million Backpay 

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