So, the silly sausages at BHP done goofed. Due to a payroll error involving annual leave entitlements over 30,000 past & present BHP workers will be getting a big load of backpay splashed across their financial behinds. Don’t simply bask in the bountiful juices, put it to good use!
Make the dodgy convenience shop in the CBD an offer they can’t refuse – there are two facts of life right now – one, disposable vapes are on their way out and two, those convenience stores formerly slinging them surely have stock to clear. So go in and big league the seller with your freshly acquired wad. Buy the lot, you know you want to. More on vapes HERE.
Buy the dip – you haven’t truly felt alive since the crypto bubble burst have you? Telling everyone in the wet mess to “enjoy being poor” as your Dogecoin investment skyrocketed was the best feeling on earth. What if another bull run was coming? Dare to dream. You know you want to.
Do a full shop at Woolies or Coles – now this is crossing over into straight baller territory. Make everyone with a half-full trolley jealous as you fill yours with luxury items such as cheese, frozen chips, and some of the worst steaks you’ll ever eat. Feels good at the top.
Seal the deal on that Gumtree jet ski seller you’ve been playing with for 6 months – fire up that conversation but don’t ghost him for a change. Break the cycle of asking if it’s still available and him responding that he’s going to track you down and kick you in the face if you waste his time again.
BREAKING: Bali Urgently Calls In Reinforcements After Learning BHP Owes $430 Million In Backpay To Workers
Remind a fancy restaurant of what used to be – similar to the crypto bubble, the other time you truly felt alive was when you were tracking red dirt through the floor of Jacksons or Amuse. Alas, wages are down and cost of living is up, so the sight of a bearded barbarian bellowing for tomato sauce on his duck confit is rare. Bring it back. Remind them of a simpler time.
Cause an international incident in Bali – normally your pre-tax time Bali trip is a bit more subdued. Not this year. You can really push the boat out now. Slosh about in the culturally insensitive mud like the good-time party swine you are. Don’t stop until they are literally threatening to flagellate you for offending their law. Hell yeah! Or do it HERE in Perth.
Make it rain at the local toppo show – you are all about paying it forward but you also want to flex on all those other slack-jawed old mates that reckon they could root any one of the toppos at the afternoon show. Well, show them who is boss. Convert your windfall into pineapples and let the girls know they are having fkn fruit salad today.
Treat yourself to an insurance premium – you know when you’re up the arse of a Suzuki driver that dared to change into “your” lane and you’re thinking, just a little nudge. Just the tip. Well, don’t let dreams be dreams, your insurance premium is covered thanks to BHP. So do what needs to be done! Watch out for your airbags though…
RELATED: 10 Perth Suburbs To Get The Full Bali Experience This Winter
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
