BREAKING: Spain announces it will be curing all Jamon with salt from English tears

Spain has celebrated its win over England by announcing that all future Jamon will be cured only from the salt harvested from English tears. Which should be a rich and bountiful source of the curing agent for weeks to come.

A Spanish cultural Minister told The Times that all the major Serrano and ibérico producers have already struck an exclusive deal with English blowhard Piers Morgan. A spokesperson for Spanish Jamon told The Times,

“We will be getting over a decades worth of salt from Piers. He has been balling his eyes ever since the game ended. He really is a huge baby but that is fantastic news for Spanish Jamon producers”

By all reports, Piers has already completely shat his pants trying to work out an angle to claim England “really” won the match. Although, his efforts have proved fruitless so far. 

This news will come as a great relief to all the Aussie fans who had to come to grips with the possibility of the team that knocked them out of the finals winning. Especially given that team was England. A fan told The Times,

“Yeah, it was a big deal for England to lose this match. I’ve already sold everything I own and booked a ticket to live in Madrid. I’m Espanola now. Get used to it, amigo”

Well done to Spain for doing what the Aussies couldn’t quite manage this time around. 

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