The Prince of Darkness has reached out to Perth to apologise for his role in adding additional smoke to the city. However, confirms it’s just a little shindig he’s throwing for a long-awaited guest to the pits of eternal damnation. Cardinal Pell.
The official advice is that a few bushfires in the SW are causing the smoke cover but we can report that that’s only half true. With a majority of it coming from the lower depths of Dante’s Inferno. A spokesperson for old mate Lucifer told The Times,
“Beelzebub is understandably excited to finally meet the man he’s heard so much about. He wanted to zoom back to the surface to give the surgeon a personal high five but we advised him he had to spruce up the inner sanctum for Pell’s grand arrival”
We took to the streets to ask the public what they thought about this devilish midweek BBQ. Joe, from Vic Park told The Times,
“I don’t really believe in that heaven/hell bullshit but I’m willing to suspend my disbelief for this one. Tell ya what it’s muggy AF today, I’m sweating like Pell’s immortal soul after it heard that heart monitor flatline ha ha”
Similarly, Tash from West Perth had doubts about the wider framework of the afterlife but conceded that if it did exist she’s all for this special lunch, adding,
“Throw another dirty priest on the barbie! As they say. Look, I’m a sceptic but this Satan dude doesn’t sound so bad. He’s apologised and puts on a nice spread by the smell of it”
The HELLebration is expected to wind down by this afternoon and smoke should clear shortly afterward.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?