Perth will once again get its insatiable appetite for vanilla pop satiated after the WA Government announced that Coldplay will be headlining the opening of Perth Park in 2027.
The announcement is music to the ears of anyone thinking that the project including a racetrack is a waste of taxpayer money. With one local resident telling The Times,
“Oh, they never mentioned Coldplay before, yeah sweet, I went to both concerts last time they came and I’d honestly go to watch Chris Martin take a shit, that’s the Perth reputation and I own it”
Naturally, the opposition has called the announcement a stunt to distract people from the wasteful spending. With an insider saying the opposition leader Basil is fuming,
“How are we going to get people to hate this project and demand the Government break a key election promise if they dangle the angelic vocals of Coldplay over their noses?!”
The news has sent the other States in a spin. With New South Wales and Victoria begging Coldplay to come and open for whatever steaming pile of shit infrastructure projects they have on the go.
Alas, Coldplay has forged a strong bond with Western Australia (and its taxpayer dollars) so we get all the fun.
Sadly, Guy Sebastian wasn’t available as a supporting artist after still being livid at missing the opportunity to perform at WA Day a few years ago.
In many ways, society hasn’t bounced back from that either…
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?