IN FOCUS: The Commodore Arm

For years, Commodore owners have favoured driving with their arm out the window. Originally developed as a way to air out the driver’s B.O en route to the bogan mating ritual of Gold Class cinema, it is now understood to be a show of dominance on the road.

In the early stages of Commodore ownership, we typically notice the driver rest their arm on the windowsill; the young Commodoreling is feeling out his new environment and isn’t ready to take things further.

When the driver hits commodore-pubity they are keen to show the old guard that they are coming for the crown. At this stage, the driver is developing a fatty bourbon-bicep and has half an arm sleeve from Bali. Only now are they ready to reel out their guns like an American at a freedom rally.

In a marvellous spectacle, the driver bends their arm, leaving their elbow on the windowsill and grips the roof with their hand. Bullseye. Lady drivers have been known to void their warranties on account of flood damage after seeing this display of strength. Pow, pow.

It is not until the Commodore drive has completed the important rite of passage of calling all cops dogs on Facebook that he may hang his arm lower than a shark’s balls. At this stage, the forearm section of the sleeve has been completed and the driver has entered their final form.

It is at this stage the Commoking is ready to have his mate film a vertically orientated video of himself doing a sick doughie or a hectic burnout in a South Lake car park. While it may seem like a minor detail, the burnout is declared null & void without the presence of the low hanging Commodore arm.

Scientists are baffled by the amnesic effect that falls over drivers once they have completed all staged of the Commodore arm life cycle. Once completed, the driver will be unable to operate a vehicle unless their arm is hanging out the window.

They will also lose up to 90% of the sickness of their burnout if their arm returns inside the cab due to the forces of centrifuge. Which will normally have a flow on effect of the driver overcompensating and giving “her” way too much and finishing their afternoon fleeing from a crashed vehicle.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?