“Dilapidated-chic” – Apartments In Abandoned Stirling Towers Fetching $800+pw 

Plans have finally been put in motion to convert Stirling Towers into affordable housing however this project could be years away. So in the meantime, renters have been snapping up the finest in urban, dilapidated-chic living. 

A local real estate agent told The Times that these apartments were a “renovator’s dream” and had a view of Perth like no other apartment in its modest price range. Adding,

“Unlivable is the new cottage home in Highgate. We’ve had a non-stop line of walking lumps of gentrification hounding us for a chance to rent these hazardous dwellings and run a sort of house share, art collective, pretentious bullshit kinda thing” 

More savvy investors have seen an opportunity to snap up these urban planning disasters to put on Airbnb. With a growing market for parties and exhibitions. 

A self-professed experimental resin artist, DJ and audiophile said he was looking to rent one of the apartments to throw exclusive 10 person raves. He told The Times,

“Berlin Wall man, that’s the audio experience I want to recreate – the walls in these apartments are almost in the exact same condition as the wall 420 days before it came down. This rave is going to get me noticed by the Berghain man”

A civil rights expert said the move to market the condemned apartments to idiots was a stroke of genius saying they’d never get away with renting them to struggling families,

“It’s rather smart, see if you charge a low-income family to live in an unfit dwelling it would be called taking advantage but if you rent it to some bearded poser with a penchant for black & white photography then it’s supporting art and applauded”

Beware though, it’s a lifestyle like no other. With no on-site parking, and sentry alarms to navigate every time you jump the fence to get into the complex. Many see this as an essential part of the experience,

Thom, who is currently documenting himself saying “you are beautiful” in the mirror every day for a year while Bukowski audio plays backward told The Times,

“It’s so authentic man, I actually feel like the struggling artist image I am so desperately trying to portray. Sure, my parents bought the joint but when you bring a girl back and have to run from security to get to your apartment, she thinks you’re the real deal. I’m like Anthony Kiedis man”

The apartments will be available to d-bags until such time as the development finally gets underway. Could be 2023, could be 2060. Who knows. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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