Melbourne fan lucky to get out of the western burbs alive after ugly clash in the Chardonnay aisle 

A poncy fracas has broken out in the Chardonnay aisle at a Western suburbs bottlo following the Eagles’ loss to the Melbourne Demons at Perth Stadium this afternoon. 

The incident was sparked over a Melbourne supporter reaching for the last bottle of Leeuwin Estate in clear sight of a thirsty Eagles’ man. A witness told The Times,

“There was a lot of posturing and insults thrown but it got really heated when the topic somehow segued to what was the finest ski resort in Aspen. You could really tell it was getting nasty then”

The two men reined down slaps on each other like affluent, aggrieved octopuses while loudly proclaiming their respective legal clout and how the other will feel the unlubed cucumber of litigation hell. 

We spoke to a witness who ran to the scene to break up the ugly scenes. He told The Times,

“It was very disturbing. This bloke in an Eagles’ scarf kept saying that he’d rather smash the bottlo than see the glorious liquid slide down the saggy goals of an Eastern state elite. The bloke in the Dee’s scarf kept saying Western Australians didn’t deserve wine”

This final low blow caused a number of other Eagles’ supporters to surround the man which eventually led him to release the bottle and flee for his affluent life. 

Playing the “demons” advocate, we asked the aggrieved Claremont man why he didn’t just dig into his cellar for a few bottles. He become noticeably irritated as he tried to calm himself down enough to speak,

“The GOOD stuff? My daughter married someone from Bicton or some such who she insists on bringing to my home. Do you think I’d let my private stocks touch those lips. We need some mid-tier swill for the masses. You’re obviously not from around here”

As always, the root of the tension is that a rich kent might have to dig deep into their own pocket to accommodate the peasants. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?