Southern cross made of iron ore chunks – absolute slam dunk. Make sure to get it on one of your chest so you can say that you wear iron ore on your heart. Be the envy of every other miner as you rip your shirt off to fight someone in the wet mess over an argument over a vape, or whatever. More on our love of ore HERE.
“Only S/SGT Zhao Can Judge Me” – ‘Only God Can Judge Me’ has been a staple of the faux-bad-boy scene for as long as time itself. However, in WA there was a more fearsome decider of fate. Lord knows how many speeding fines Zhao signed off on but needless to say he was the one true authority in this town.
Exact freeway exit you’re not prepared to go past – postcode tatts are so 2022. In 2023 we want to know just a bit more about your sense of suburban patriotism. What freeway exit is your limit? How far will you go into the nether beyond your preferred side of the river? You can tell a lot about someone by this answer. More on the NOR/SOR divide HERE.
Max temperature – go on, a simple number to prove how soft everyone else is. The only problem with whacking the max temperature that you’ve endured is that you’ll have to keep to that figure in all future bullshit stories. Perhaps add a few degrees, you’re going to do that anyway.
Make, model, and year of your first dual cab – children are played out. You need to be paying homage to the true love of your life. The first Hilux you lowballed some cunny on Marketplace for. That was when she was born and she died when you drove her through a house. The way nature intended it.
Teardrop for every houseplant you slaughtered – nothing like a hot WA summer to reveal the inner herbicidal nature of someone. Your plant babies trusted you and you betrayed every single one of them. You may run out of room on your face, however. More on plantkillers HERE.
Chooks large hot chips lower back tatt – the tramp stamp always had delicious, naughty connotations. Just like a large hot chips from Chooks. Fresh. Tasty. Watch as your chook shake brings all the boys to the yard in the Crown Casino smoking area. More on Chooks HERE.
Urban sprawl arm sleeve – dedicate the entire length of your arm to the sprawl you know and love so well. Your shoulder is Two Rocks and your wrist is Singleton. If anyone asks why just let them know that Perth gets much of its authority from its length. No need to elaborate more. More on the beloved sprawl HERE
School Emblem – just a nice little time saver really. It’ll really help disgust women quicker as you swan around shirtless after the Rotto Swim trying to convince anything with a pulse to come back and check out father’s boat. More HERE.
Recipe for a long mac topped up – this is more of a practical one. Imagine you wake up with no memory. The full Bourne. What are you expected to do? Just roll the dice with some inferior blend of coffee and milk? Not on your fkn watch. More on Long Macs HERE.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
