Eddie demands umpires undertake Victorian sensitivity training after Brownlow votes offend the VFL

Eddie has chucked a wobbly after Collingwood golden boy Nick Daicos didn’t walk away with the Brownlow last night. He is now calling for drastic measures to be introduced to avoid a similar occurrence in the future.

Under Eddie’s plan, all umpires will have to undergo a 6-week Victorian sensitivity training course where they’ll learn the impact their match votes have on the feelings of the VFL and in particular, himself. A spokesperson told The Times,

“We all know the Brownlow is a flawed system but Eddie is cracking the shits now because it has become personal. He was up until 5 am waiting outside the homes of various umpires who voted anti-Victorianly”

Not only will umpires be taught that the VFL will get very upset when another non-Victorian wins 2 Brownlow but they will also be taught to seriously think about how the VFL feels when they go and report a Vic star. The spokesperson continued,

“It’s Eddie’s view that everyone responsible for reporting Maynard should be hauled in front of Victoria and publicly flogged. He’s very passionate about it. He also didn’t take it well when Daicos got reported”

Indeed any reports that could jeopardise a Victorian Brownlow medallist will be punishable by a prolonged and brutal Maguiring. Which you don’t want to know more about.

In other reports, Eddie’s meltdown has flowed into Tuesday with the powerbroker repeatedly calling Lachie Neale and then hanging up.

A source says that he finds Neale particularly offensive as he’s a SA boy who has only played for QLD and WA clubs. 0 Victorian in him. This source also added,

“Yeah its getting a grim at the Maguire residence. Last I heard he was planning to have a 2nd Brownlow ceremony where he’d read out all the votes (that he cast). Just him and Nick Daicos in a room. No one wants to think about that”

Absolutely not.

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