Over 18’s WA sunset calendar
Over 18’s WA sunset calendar – only the sauciest snaps of our naughty little sunset. It’s enough to get any hot-blooded Westralian howling at the moon. It’s important you force any Eastern Stater to watch as you beat off to it when they visit. It’s kinder that way.
Glass of WA waste water
This is the good stuff. Just a few sips of this and you’ll be charging like a horde of Westralians towards the Coles roller door at 10:59 am. Alternatively, you can microdose it and feel the full effects of WA’s heroic use of gear.
Chunk of iron ore
Not only will you get a chunk of iron ore but Twiggy will sign it for you. It’s a perfect showpiece for your lounge room. In fact, it wouldn’t hurt you to pray to it every now and then for the longevity of WA’s economy.
A fair share of GST
Westralia is just breaking you off a fair chunk. Just like it expects of the bozos in Canberra. To yearn for a fair GST cut goes to the heart of every proud Westralian citizen and this show bag item will go some way to filling that painful void.
Dry Heat Rub
With just one topical application on affected areas, your entire subjective experience of heat will be changed forever. Please avoid excessive application or you’ll be rendered unable to acknowledge Perth’s creeping humidity ever again. Some might call you a tad delusional at that point.
Take home a little piece of the Westralian dream! A double brick house is considered a Westralian birthright. So enjoy this item and dream of one day building your own pizza oven on the outskirts of Perth’s vast urban sprawl. That’s living, Barry!
A little extra sun
This can be used in two ways. If you’re pro daylight savings you can enjoy this little morsel of sun knowing that it’s never going to happen in WA. If you’re anti-daylight saving then you show your children the curtain-destroying properties of extra sunlight and make sure they never betray you by going pro.
Essence of swan
If you’ve never thought to yourself that you’d like to smell like the Swan River on a baking hot Perth day then you probably were born in Radelaide or something. The Swan is the pride of Perth and she stinks good, she stinks real good. Now you can too! More on the stink HERE.
A proper WA yellow plate
Why they took these away from us, we’ll never know. Display the plate proudly in your pool room or man cave and bask under its yellow glow. It will remind you of a simpler time. Some might say, a better time.
A chunk of Baysie (vale)
This is a super limited edition piece of Perth history. It’s recommended that you take the chunk and place it somewhere safe in your car. It will ward off incompetent truck drivers! They can just sense you are possessing something that can destroy them. Tribute to Baysie HERE.
Long mac topped up
Before spicy wastewater, the long mac topped up was WA’s favourite way to get going in the morning. It’s an iconic drink that tastes extra good based on the outrage it causes anyone born outside the Nation of Westralia. More on our State drink HERE.
Every Westralian resident needs one of these bad boys. Pair with brand spankin’ Unit of Jet Pilot boardies and be proud to brandish the Rocko Tuxedo. Let everyone know you’re from WA when you travel by busting out an Aussie Aussie chant in one of these.
Unlike those freaks over East, WA likes its green milk of the spearmint variety. For many, it’s the only hangover cure they know. For others, it’s more like mother’s milk. A nurturing provider of WA spirit and life. You’ll never want to make a meal of a basic Freeway merge without a solid swig of this stuff ever again. More on the spearmint HERE.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?