Woolies new airport store plans to cash in on the lucrative “FIFOs who can be farked grocery shopping the minute they step off a plane” market

Woolworth’s new Perth airport store intends to be a strategic hub for the 3 or maybe 5 FIFO workers who fancy a grocery shop after stepping off the plan at the end of a gruelling swing.

We spoke to a Woolies business analyst who told The Times that they were quietly confident more FIFO workers would be tempted to get ripped off rather than make a beeline to their families or a Redcliffe Tav live show. Adding,

“We envision a world where people are purely working to afford our low low prices. Who wouldn’t want to feel like they got bent over the barrel the minute they tasted the sweet freedom of fly-in day? We also hear people love carrying groceries on the train or in an Uber”

We spoke to Big Rob, a seasoned FIFO campaigner who made his intentions regarding the new shop clear,

“I’d rather turn around and go back to site than go fkn grocery shopping mate. I’ve got two weeks off, I’ll just have some Roota on fly-in day. Now if they’d put a Dan Murphys there instead, well, maybe I could be persuaded to do some shopping ha ha”

Another FIFO worker Tanya told The Times that grocery shopping was literally at the bottom of my priority list on fly-in day, adding,

“I work 2 weeks straight without a day off, you think I’m going to do chores on the first day I get to myself? It’s a long bean-flicking bath for this girl and you can’t convince me to do anything else, piss off Woolworths”

Naturally, Woolies has a devious plan, with some insiders saying they intend to mark down energy drinks to crazy levels. Could a $1 500ml can of Monster persuade Big Rob or Tanya? Well, Big Rob said,

“You think I don’t have at least 4 cans on me person at all toimes? This isn’t my first rodeo. I’m telling ya the way I party on fly-in day, food is never on the agenda if you catch my drift”

Good luck Woolworths and lower your prices you pack of ghouls.

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