Through his university and young adult years, Jason earned a reputation on the mean aisles of big chain supermarkets as one of the most prolific self serve checkout bandits in the game.
However, a few years ago, he came into a well paying job and decided that with the perks of a high disposable income & limited free time he’d become a home grocery delivery guy. Effectively retiring from the game.
However, on 2 August 2022, Jason buckled to inflationary pressures and decided to trim some fat around his budget by snaring a few specials and rinsing the self-serve checkout as he knew so well.
He entered the store at 5:05 pm, a nice busy time that he traditionally liked to strike. He collected his groceries and proceeded to the self serve checkout. Even giving the girl at the scanner next to him a little nod, “watch this, baby”.
He proceeded to put a few items through legitimately to pull off the ruse he was an honourable shopper. With each familiar beep, he could tell he wasn’t on the attendant’s radar. It was time, he thought.
Alas, what Jason didn’t know is the dogcunts had brought in new cameras that detect the fruit or veg you are scanning and bust your balls if you try to tell a porky. If only he’d known.
While attempting to pass off a hefty bag of sugar snap peas as carrots, the cruel warning popped up alerting the attendant to come and cross-check the item against the photo on the screen. To make matters worse, his ugly mug was displayed on the screen too. They had him. They finally had him.
At 5:20 pm, his 7-year winning streak came to an end. With the attendant coming over and politely musing that he must’ve “mistakenly” hit carrots instead of snowpea. Voiding the scan and watching him put them through again.
He watched in horror as all his chickens had come home to roost. The almost 1kg bag was going to cost him $32 alone. How could this have happened on his watch?
Too proud to abandon the entire purchase, Jason left the store with a weekly grocery bill of around $50 more than he’d usually pay. He was an old dog that hadn’t learned any new tricks and he’d paid the $32/kg price.
MORE TRUE-ISH CRIME: The security light, the CCTV and the FB group – how a hose segment heist went wrong
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?